Issue #3: May 2003: The Yankees

Let's get one thing straight. George Steinbrenner is the devil. Someone call President Bush and tell him he missed one of the axes of evil. If we are in the business of taking out evil regimes, then we believe that Yankee Stadium should be bombed to hell. Anyone who likes the Yankees should be considered a terrorist. Bickedy-Bam! Steinbrenner and the rest of his filthy franchise is the reason why there is evil in the world. However, without the money-loving Yankees, the baseball world would not be the same. The Yankees give us fuel to feed our anger towards them.

Back to the topic of evil, two words for you folks: the players. Lets get started with our old friend Derek Jeter. How anyone is able to pick up a bat around him and stave off the need to swing it still boggles the minds of these two journalists. The urge to rumble doesn't stop with Jeter. No no, many feel that perhaps Roger Clemens should be beaten like a French mime. Mmmmmm, silence. Still others feel that Jorge Posada should get a real name, and should also be beaten along side the French mime for the stunt he pulled last year during the All-Star game. Or perhaps you are one of the few Oakland Athletics fans out there that feel Jason Giambi should go back to his bad boy image because many are now mistaking him to be a member of N'Sync.

When opening day rolled around, many were excited for a new season of baseball. After seeing Derek "The Boy Wonder" Jeter almost ruin his career, the two of us could not help but laugh our asses off. Jeter did not take it like a man. Oh no, he cried like a baby...with a diaper rash...a bad rash. The one that stings and leaves skin raw and ridiculously painful to the touch. Note to Derek: be a man. Just like the Phoenix Suns, we are taking that one to the bank.

On a lighter note, we must give praise to the Yankees that deserve it. Old-schoolers like Babe Ruth, Yogi Berra, Mickey Mantle, and Lou Gehrig, who created the sport we know today. They never complained; if someone complained to the Babe, he'd hit them and tell them to take the gripe to the kitchen. Truer words have never been spoken. Today's Yankees are so hopped up on steroids that they don't know whether to rip your head off or cry on your shoulder. Speaking of drugs, does anybody remember our old pal Daryl Strawberry? We hear that he might be changing sports and moving to Portland( Puff, Puff ).

One of the things that angers us the most about those stupid Pinstriped pretty boys, is that they buy their players from countries like the Dominican Republic. Shipping off little boys to the Yankees is the largest export that country has. Have you ever really heard of anything else coming from the Dominican Republic?

One question we cannot help but ask is, "Where is the love?" Has everyone forgotten the other New York ball club? If you take a close look at both the Yankees and the Metropolitans, you will find out they are very similar. Only one small difference: the Yankees have money-as do the Mets- but the Yankees spend it well. The Mets, do not. For example Shinjo. Imagine Ichiro without skill or looks. That's Shinjo in a nutshell, baby. Booyah! In closing, it is the opinion of these two journalists that the entire Yankees organization is the reincarnation of the Nazi regime.

On that note, until next time...