Hello readers. As you may know, this is our third Angry Guys article, and that means we're getting serious. If this was a relationship, we'd be doin the wild monkey dance... Oohhh ya. (This has nothing to do with the working commitment between Sean Burt and Kyle Simpson. They are both very straight and both enjoy women.)
We have noticed over our many years of watching sports that if an owner gots the bling-bling, then for the most part they control the league like a fat kid on a cupcake. There are a few exceptions to the rule that you can have all the money in the world and still lose. (Cough, cough.... The Seahawks. Come on Paul we expected better.) Money can buy you the refs, happiness and corndogs, but it can't buy you respect.
Folks, let's think about this for a moment. There are those teams out there, which we like to refer to as "Black Holes" of the sports industry. These are the teams who throw money at the players and managers and never give the fans a championship in return. Take, for example, the Cubs. Does anyone remember the time when the Cubs were any good at all? It's not fathers, or grandfathers who are telling their children about the heyday of Chicago baseball. The Cubbies haven't been a threat since your granpappy's rise had a hand crank. You practically have to be a veteran of the American Revolution just to remember those lovable old Cubbies. Benedict Arnold would be proud.
When thinking of a powerful team with tons of money who do you think of? The Cincinnati Bengals, the Cleveland Cavilers, or maybe the New York Mets? The answer is no, because all of those teams lose. The team who comes to mind is the filthy, pin-striped, pretty boys of the Bronx. That's right; we are talking , of course, about the New York Yankees. Could anybody love a face like Derek Jeter? No, because he is so ugly to look at, it hurts. Hurts like fire. Speaking of the Bronx, we may not be as pretty as Jenny from the block, but we know how to bust a rhyme here and there. Oh wait, our mistake, we forgot that we're white.
In the world of team ownership there is one equation you must know. Ugly owner= Power/Money. Don't believe us? Just focus your attention to the Dallas Cowboys for a moment. Jerry Jones is one of the most frightening people on the face of the earth. Some owners may be uglier, but they stay hidden in their press box high in the sky. This man walks around the sidelines like a hobo with a mission. Cash money! When we see pictures of him, the horrifying image replaces the wahle in our nightmares. Sure the Cowboys have fans, but they're ugly.
The one thing we hate more than a rich owner is a rich player. Does one person really deserve $250 million to play a game? If so, we nominate ourselves for the Monopoly championship. Then again, athletes aren't just one person; they have to be able to support all the members of their posse. So in truth A-Rod only gets about $25 mil per member. Now we feel so bad for him. Oh wait, no we don't, because he is still making money from his endorsement of Ballpark Franks. Mmm...beefy.
For those of you who enjoy sports, you may or may not have enjoyed the Super Bowl. We personally were disgusted by the play of pro bowl QB, Rich "I'm Losing My Job Next Season" Gannon. His performance was so bad that it was reminiscent of Ryan Leaf. Leave us be. Let us cry in the corner. We need some time.
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