Now we know many of you are wondering just where the hell we have been the past month or so. We have but one simple response, stop snooping around and buzz off. We are busy boys, who do you think is behind all of this free agency craziness? World Wide Wes? LRMR? Wrong, we have been handling all the negotiations for all the big name free agents. All of them, from Dwayne Wade, to Allen Iverson( Yea, he is coming back baby!). So needless to say, we been full to the brim. So back off. We are back now, and will have a full breakdown of that now that "the self-proclaimed King" has made his decision. However we have something a little more important and troubling on the tip of our tongues. We are of course talking about arguably the best QB the NFL has seen in the past 10 years; JaMarcus Russell. For a man who has only been in the league 3 full years, you have given us a lifetime of joy and memories. In your honor sir, we have put together our best ode to you.
" There once was a boy name JaMarcus, who everyone really like-isd. At the combine he killed and everyone billed, him the number one pick. With hands as big as the sun, and an arm shaped like a gun, he made Terry Bradshaw call him "The One!". Lofty expectations and pie in the sky apple pie dreams you entered our programs as #2, but into our hearts as #1. You were big and strong and could chuck the ball a country mile but that's not the greatest skill to have, considering that a football field is only 100 yards long. With all the talent in the world you went year after year without showing any improvement in your accuracy or work ethic, showing up to training camp once weighing in at over 300 lbs! Did you forget what position you play Jamarcus? Your sucky ways were compounded by the fact that you played for the Raiders, a franchise run by an insane old man whose deal with the devil will keep him alive just long enough to move his franchise to Jamaica (if all you're drafting are fast guys with no football talent why not move closer to the best sprinters in the world?) But a great quarterback will help lead his shitty franchise from the grave much like Drew Brees did for the Saints and Kurt Warner did for the Cardinals. You can't blame everything on your team Jamarcus, some of it has to rest on your pudgy, dough rolled shoulders. Somewhere in the back alley of a South American pharmacy, Ryan Leaf is smiling that he's no longer seen as the worst draft bust ever... or that may be from the bootleg Oxycontin he just railed. Anyway, Jamarcus, even if you can read this through the opiate fog that clouds your mind from drinking too much purple drank you probably don't give a shit. Because only in America can the greatest loser in the history of the NFL draft pocket a guaranteed $31.5 million before he even walks onto a football field. Enjoy living the retired life you sweet prince, we look forward to seeing you cha-cha your way back into our hearts on Dancing with the Stars."
-The Poets who did not know it. Aka- The Angry Guys.
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